:: TheMediaPerson ::

don ' t stop believing

click

'Cause There'll Never Be Another Opportunity Like This.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

AM PREPARED FOR THE WORST.

I think Im prepared for whatever is gonna happen in few days to come..

But then again..

Im just mentally prepared..

Emotionally..Haiz..I admit it..

Im not totally ready to face everything that's happening right now..

Everything just happened too fast & w/o me noticing it..

Mum's admitted into Alexandra Hospital ytd..

'Cause of high potassium level..

Haiz..

No point advising her to watch what she eats & stuff..

Like seriously..

No point..

She just wouldnt listen..

E rest of us really tried..

I think Im really not a filial daughter..

'Cause I constantly screamed at her to take care of herself..

But it's for her own good 'cause she just wouldnt listen..

Haiz..

Anyway..

Mum..

I hope u're discharged from the hospital today..

I was kinda lost doing the house chores & stuff ytd..

Didnt really expect things to go this way..

& Mum..

Please look after urself from now on..

It's hard for me to look after everyone 'cause Ive my own life..

School & everything..

But whatever it is..

Im trying my best to juggle everything..

Love u Mum..

Dad talked to me in the morning before he went to work..

Now I know what his health condition & operation all 'bout..

Dere's a problem with his large intestines..

& the pain is back..

I told Dad to take care of himself..

Not to think too much 'bout stuff & be too stressed..

LOL..

Who am I to kid?..

While Im only thinking 'bout my own life & to satisfy my wants & needs..

Dad's have to be bothered with the problems 4 of us make & also his own problems..

Dad..

Ill always be dere if u nid someone to listen to whatever is bothering u..

& please stop talking 'bout u're waiting for the time to passed on..

& all e other crap..

I really do not want u to be admitted into the hospital..

Like as u said..

Next week most probably ull be dere 'cause..

It's time...........

U think I dont care 'bout what is happening right now?????..

As rebellious as I may seem..

I am still using my brain to think & reflect on what's happening around me..

That is why I prefer to restrict myself soooooooooo much away from home..

Haiz..

Okay..

I dunno how to overcome the situation now..

Im fighting alone..

Nobody's dere to fight with me..

& Ive to look after Grandma..

Plus doing the housework, cooking..

& Ive to juggle my school & CCA..

It would be worst when school starts..

Ive to be strong no matter what..

Sigh..

Just hope that u stop thinking bout urself..

& start caring for others..

All of us need you..

Can u please change what u are now to someone who is much more better?..

I hope u will..

When you're being hit rock bottom..

Do u pick urself up or constantly tell urself that u're effing useless??????..

How do u pick urself up & motivate urself to move on??????..

I feel so old now..

In the sense that Im acting more like an adult rather than a normal teen in my family..

Im growing too fast..

With the way I think & behave..

I seriously need to slow down..

So..

Does this means that Im matured??????..

How do we measure one's level of maturity????????..

Through the way of how one thinks, behaves & communicate with others???????..

Or other possibilities?????????..

Im back to my own self..

Depressed, frustrated, confused, stressed & too pressured by whatever is happening right now..

To everyone..

Sorry if Im not gonna be as loud as Im supposed to be..

I would love to be kerazee just to divert my thoughts from feeling so down..

So..

I would greatly appreciate it if u guys keep making me happy..

Okay..

That's too much to ask isnt it?????..

& yeah..

Just bear with my attitude for the time being..

Im finding time to calm down & think more optimistically..

& yes..I cried myself to sleep..@ 7am..

4:05 PM