My eyes are sore now..
Cried the whole day ytd..
'Cause of smtg that happened..
Cried to calm myself down..
Cried to sleep..
Cried when remembering it..
Even cried when I'm using the computer..
I cried the whole time..
I feel like a huge loser right now..
And yes..
I'm still feeling scared..
But I'm really staying out of their ways..
But they will try their best to find faults in me..
And do it again..
I'm scared..
And yes..
When they are around me..
I trembled..
I don't want this to happen to me..
I will feel vulnerable..
I have to fight back..
But I'm just too weak to do so..
Being fake feels so good..
Most of the time..
It just feels so bad..
Talking to Ansar makes me feel better..
Much better..
Thanks buddy : )
And chatting with four of you guys really make me feel better too..
Thanks Ansar, Faiezah, Tony & Elisse..
Though I've to fake what I'm typing..
Think Ansar can sense it..
But that's the only way for me to forget everything..
At that moment only..
Being fake is good..
When you don't want people to ask you so much about what's been bothering you lately..
Yes..
I think alot of people deserve my explanation on my absence..
And also being reserved..
Alot..
Nowadays..
I'll tell you guys next time k?..
When I'm ready to tell..
For now..
Only one person knows about what I've been going through..
You know who you are..
Being fake is also good when it comes to individuals who don't deserve your trust & respect anymore..
They deserve it..
They ask for it..
They can do whatever they want..
I don't give a damn..
You hurt me once..
You'll suffer..
Not me..
Don't come crawling back to me..
I don't even care anymore..
Okay..
Is it good to be fake in front of those who really care about you?..
Yes..
You don't want to trouble anyone with your problems..
But someetimes..
Isn't it's better to talk things out?..
But why am I always just keeping quiet when this happens?..
Drown everything inside me..
And causing myself to suffer..
I want to talk things out with people..
Not just with two persons..
But with those who care about me too..
Like my friends..
Sorry guys..
I have no best friends or close friends..
Even years of friendship won't regard you as my best/close bud..
Hope you guys understand..
And yes..
I really appreciate your company..
All of you..
Will treasure you guys lots : )
Why am I always waiting for the right time to tell people how I'm feeling & stuff?..
Why can't I be more outspoken & just share all my unhappiness..
What is there for me to be afraid of?..
Trust..
Yes..
It seems like I can't trust anyone anymore..
I'm sorry guys..
Because of what had been happening since beginning of this year..
I've lost trust in everyone..
Including myself..
So before I could trust anyone..
I need to trust myself again..
I will..
But whatever it is..
Those who deserve my friendship, happiness, sharing of problems, company, laughter & respect..
I'll try my best to find trust in you..