Another Land, Another Life

by Nor Suryati Bte Adnan

Ngee Ann Polytechnic



Memories.

Some are worth remembering --

Yet--

Not the past I had with Grandpa.

That close bond we once shared.

Nothing can ever change the fact that Grandpa is gone.

Now the room drowns only in darkness and our grief over his loss.




The day when I finally am able to overcome my grief,

I glanced at Grandpa’s bedroom door.

Somehow it beckons me tremendously to look what embeds inside.

My heart aches so much that I dragged both my feet towards the reddish – brown door.

Everything inside was so proper that one fall can leads to its fragility.

A photo frame stood firmly at the side table near Grandpa’s bed.

As a picture speaks a thousand of words,

White pearls started trickling down my cheeks as I recalled Grandpa’s story --

The story told the night before he took his last breath.




“ Let me tell you a story, my boy, ” he beamed as best he could.

“ I was a soldier.

A private in the Malay Regiment.

Fighting for the good of our country in the Second World War. ”




As I looked at Grandpa, I could see his frail eyes glittering.

As if every bits and pieces of the war could he remembered.

“ I count myself lucky to be alive, ” said he. “ For the rest --

They are longed gone and to be forgotten now and forever. ”




“ I was just like any other man, woman and child.

Arriving in small boats to a place we all deemed for a brighter future.

I was eighteen then, your age, my boy.

Without the guidance of my parents, as they were both gone,

Even before I could learn how to walk --

I struggled to survive, till where I am now at present.”




“ Boy, ” He reached for my left hand for his wrinkled hand to hold onto mine.

“ I was scared, to leave my hometown with aimless goals.

No one to turn to and nowhere to go.

Unsure if migration to a place called Singapore would ever turn my life around.”




“ Closer as my boat was reaching the immigration checkpoint, my heart feels lighter.

Away from all the doubts and fears I had before during the journey.

Many of us did not survive – my newfound friend Ah Seng included.

For the rest of us remaining, hundreds, if I remembered correctly,

Had the same thing in our minds – hope. ”




“ Three months after setting foot in Singapore,

I joined the Malay Regiment army.

Determined to learn the principles of independence and discipline,

I am proud to be able to protect my new home under any
circumstances. ”




“ Shortly after war strikes.

With not much experience, I vowed to fight for the nation,

Sharing the same spirit alongside my fellow platoon mates and seniors.

I am naive to what exactly the meaning of war is.

But --

I am clear that it is definitely not a good thing. ”




Grandpa’s hand suddenly trembles uncontrollably.

He clutched my hand so tight, yet I said nothing.

“ The war was a massive massacre, ” his voice shaken with fear.

Millions died right before my eyes – innocent men, women, children.

Many men in the Regiment sacrificed their lives against the enemies.

My fellow brothers fought bravely, but, making me more vulnerable in turn. ”




“ Flashbacks start to run in my mind, admist all the chaos.

The fear for the safety of my family --

The thoughts of your Grandma, your Dad, Uncle Sam and Aunt Mia,

Leaves me even more susceptible to continue fighting.

Yet --

Having my role model by my side, Leftenan Adnan,

The strength that he showed me and a life lesson taught make me stronger --

Fight till death for your own country. ”




“ His heroism leads to his death.

He lies still on the ground in front of my eyes.

Before long, the war ended.

Seeing scores of figures covered with thick red blood all around me

Makes me blaming only myself,

For not fighting hard enough, for as most of them will still be alive now. ”




“ Can it ever get darker sooner or later? ” Grandpa slightly turned to the window, winced up at the half moon.

Night has fallen and I thought the day is just beginning,

I think I better get a little rest now, for tomorrow will be ……… ”

And, as painfully as it could be, I watched my idol passed on, from all the pain he had endured from his past.




The journey now has grown to its end.

The path that I had taken has leads to where I want to be --

Well, at least, somehow.

Putting back the photograph firmly to its original setting teaches me to let go of something that I reluctantly refused initially.

Recalling the story that was told was as painful as watching my role model die right before my eyes.

My heart aches as I let go of the past, in that room itself.




As I closed the door behind me, and never to open it ever again, something struck me.




The life lessons Grandpa held on to teaches me even more than that --

The contributions and sacrifices our forefathers had made for the better of this country,

Singapore, my homeland, this is where my heart belongs,

Are such aspirations to my life.




But most importantly --

Singapore, my homeland, it seems, even to me,

Is still a choice that I have to face.

To choose if home is going to be

Another land or another life --

Is definitely a whole different story that I have to unfold

To know exactly what the future holds for me.