Did some errands around the house, like going to the bank to deposit / withdraw money from Dad's & Grandma's accounts, pay handphone bills, buy food & drinks for Mum & recently, went to SGH to buy medication for Grandma. Arghhhhhh. I feel so stupid when communicating with people in public, like stallholders or nurses. It totally feels demoralising & I was miserable when these situations happened. Fortunately, nobody whom I knew were there. Nevertheless, I could feel strangers staring at me & just give me their ARE-YOU-DUMB-OR-DUMB look. Gosh. I should had won the Absolute Embarrassment of the Year Award on the spot mannnnnnn.

That aside, I have been procrastinating about finding a part-time job. Yeah. Had not been looking. Family problem is the main problem for me not finding one. You might say this is probably the lamest excuse on earth for one to be hindered from gaining some working experience. But hey, this is the issue I have yet to break away from & it has seriously build a wall between myself & the goals that I really want to achieve. If anyone who is brave enough to break down this barrier, it should be me. Nonetheless, I do not have the courage still to do so. I feel like a moron & loser right now.

Okay, you might say it is a matter of choice in this scenario. And, it is a choice that I must make to make things happen. Yeah, you're definitely on my Dad's side when it comes to this. He always tell me that I'm old enough to make decisions for my own good. However, for me, this is just plain bullshit & he totally contradicts himself each time. Like, school, for instance, I go home extremely late everyday 'cause well, my modu

les are total time-consumers. On the face value, Dad said, "It's alright. I can manage. You're still schooling & education is important. Don't worry about me, I'll be okay." Or, somewhere along that line. Yeah right. Then, why do I always see him struggle to make everyone in our family happy & satisfied. & whenever he asked me to offer him some help around the house, I can only see regret & disappointment drawn across his face? Regret for asking me for help when he knew my answer would be "No", "Sorry, I can't, schoolwork" or "Can you stop disturbing me?! I need to concentrate" all the time. Disappointment 'cause I'm a bloody selfish bitch & only think about myself.

So yeah. This explains why I can't find work right now. & I don't think I would be finding one anytime soon or 5 or 10 years down the road. Well, at least now, the holidays, I'm able to ease Dad's burdens for a minute amount. Reason being, I'm the second person in the family who know the schedules for Mum's & Grandma's medication timings, how & when to help Grandma change her diapers & procedures for Mum's glucose takings, injections & blood pressure takings. Besides that, Dad talks to me the most in the house anyway.

But, I had not been wasting my time idling at home. I have started to draw. YAAYYYYY!!!!!!!! Had done 2 drawings so far. Took 4 days to complete them. Just started on a 3rd one. I decide to take a break from drawing today, 'cause my eyes & brain pleading me to do so. Strange but whenever I start drawing or colouring, my eyes start to be blurry. This makes me thinking of getting my eyes checked & wear a pair of spectacles. But, Dad enlightens me that I have no eye problems whatsoever.

Not sure if I should upload photos of my drawings. What do you think?

Hehe. Pic of me for your entertainment. Thanks for commenting in FB that this is rather an interesting photo. I would have to agree. Hur hur. Okay, randomly speaking, I'm thinking of getting a camera. What kind of camera do you think that I should get? Any recommendations? But well, then again, money is an issue anyway. Oh wells.

& yeah, I did some research & already plan what courses I love to be enrolled into in University. Decided between NTU (ART, DESIGN & MEDIA in FILM, INME or VISC) & RDI (BACHELOR of DESIGN majoring in GRAPHIC DESIGN or MULTIMEDIA DESIGN). Is this plan too soon for me or is it okay to have a plan structured now? Well, since I have just completed poly first year. Comments, anyone?

K. Bye.