I guess there's should be some explanation to why I resort to such a decision yesterday's night. I felt terribly guilty for treating R this way. People had been asking if I'm really in a relationship or I'm just faking it since others are having partners too. I'm like what the fuck. Seriously, I feel that it's a matter of choice of keeping my love life at a very low profile.
No one knows who's my bf, or may I say, my ex. The thing is, I do not want people to judge my relationship with R. 'Cause I'm definitely sure that people will do so once they find out.
I guess my choice of breaking up with my ex is due to influence of my closest friends' opinions about our relationship. Since talking to them about it, I kept having second thoughts about the whole thing. Then, why am I in this relationship in the first place? Well, I realise that it is no harm of giving R a chance since we begin liking each other.
But then, does age really matters when it comes to a relationship? The fact that I'm 20 & he's 31, will it be trouble or impossible for us to be together? My friends' answers were yes. Well to me, I guess it's not a big of a deal. But, I have no idea why I decided to have it ended this way.
My reason to him: I've been flirting with other guys behind his back. & that, I have not been sincere & honest to him. It's not fair for me to treat him this way. & we decided to remain as friends, however, I wonder if this friendship going to last.
Should I continue settling this matter with him or avoid him now & forever? Gosh. I feel horribly bad right now. Sorry R.